Guns and Materia
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: A series of Vincent/Yuffie drabbles. Will contain fluff as I'm a sap for it.
1. Chapter 1

Mr. Vinnie

AN: I own nothing in this story. Please R&R.

Vincent Valentine was babysitting. Now normally those three words would never be seen put together but he had been suckered into it. So here the ex Turk was, holding a child's storybook and reading from it in his soft voice.

"And then the princess woke up from the prince's kiss and they lived happily ever after. The end." His audience, namely Marlene, smiled happily and soon went to bed but not before hugging her babysitter tightly.

"Thanks Mr. Vinnie." Vincent allowed himself a small smile and ruffled Marlene's hair gently.

"It was nothing, sleep well." Standing up, he had just opened the door when he heard some rustling in the hallway. "Come out Yuffie, I know you're there." Appearing from the open bathroom door, she sighed in annoyance.

"Vinnie how come you're so good at finding me?"

"It's Vincent and it's not that hard when I see your foot sticking out from the door."

"Ah phooey!" The ninja said, sticking her tongue out at Vincent.

"Why are you here Yuffie?"

"Well I heard you were babysitting and I had to be here. It is almost the end of the world right?"

"Very funny, now seriously why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you, is that a crime?"

"No…but I'm not exactly the most social of people."

"Really Vinnie, wow what a shocker." Vincent just walked past her and into the bar of Seventh Heaven. "Hey don't you ignore me!" Vincent kept on walking. Flipping over his head, the ninja then kissed Vincent right on the lips, stopping the gunslinger in his tracks. Once they broke apart Yuffie's face was red.

"I'm sorry Vincent, it's just you wouldn't talk to me…"

"Well you have my undivided attention now. What do you want to talk about?" Yuffie leaned in and kissed him again. Once they broke apart, she was smiling.

"Oh nothing." She then walked out the door, swaying her hips seductively. Vincent then realized he was missing his materia. Maybe he needed to take a trip to Wutai; it had been a while since he had gone traveling.


	2. Chapter 2

Claw

AN: I own nothing in this story. Please R&R and if you have any requests, just let me know.

"Hey Vinnie?" Yuffie asked her boyfriend, lounging beside her on the couch.

"Yes?"

"What's up with your claw?"

"You really want to know?" Yuffie rolled her eyes at that.

"No I'm just asking because I have nothing better to do. Of course I wanna know silly."

"Well it's…." Vincent started to say. Yuffie leaned in closer.

"C'mon, tell me!" Yuffie said, on the edge of her seat. Vincent removed the glove and Yuffie saw a purple skinned hand with sharp black nails.

"A monster claw." Vincent said, placing the hand on Yuffie's shoulder. It was cold and made a shiver run up and down her spine.

"That's gross! Get your diseased hand off of me!" Yuffie then ran into the bathroom to wash her shoulder, hoping she didn't get infected. Smirking slightly Vincent concentrated and turned his hand back to its regular pale human form.

_Oh man Vincent did you see the look on her face! That was awesome!_ Galian Beast said in his mind.

_Yuffie's not the only one who knows how to prank people._ Vincent replied back and he chuckled lightly.


	3. Chapter 3

Birthday Gift

AN: I own nothing in this story. Please R&R.

"Vincent are you almost done in there?" Yuffie asked her boyfriend of several months, knocking on the bathroom door.

"Just give me a few more moments." His soft voice answered back.

"Well hurry up! Tifa and the rest are all here and we're about to cut the cake." Yuffie told him. Just then the door opened and Vincent came out. Yuffie started giggling at him and who could blame her? From the top of his head to the tips of his toes Vincent Valentine was dressed in a moogle costume, the pom pom of said costume flopping around every which way. His expression was stoic, as usual.

"Yuffie are you alright?" Vincent asked, noticing the 20 year old was clutching her sides.

"I'm sorry it's just too much. Why did you do this to yourself?" Vincent sighed heavily.

"It was your birthday wish to see me dressed up like this, remember?"

"I forgot, well thank you for doing it." Yuffie then placed a kiss on his cheek and Vincent's pale cheeks turned a little redder. "Alright, let's go have some cake!" Yuffie exclaimed. Following after his lover, the ex Turk hoped his friends wouldn't make fun of him too much.

The cigarette that Cid had been smoking fell from his wide open mouth. Likewise Barret and Cloud stopped their arm wrestling contest and gaped. Reno even stopped kissing Tifa. When the bartender protested the red head pointed one finger towards Vincent and Tifa followed the motion, her eyes wide at his outfit. Then they all started laughing.

"Oh man Vince, what in the hell are you wearing?" Cid said, chuckling.

"At least you aren't wearing a dress, I've had experience with those and they can be a pain." Cloud said. Barret and Cid looked at him with raised eyebrows and Cloud realized he had spilled the beans on what he hoped would be forgotten; the Wall Market incident.

"That brat's got you whipped." Reno pointed out. Tifa then whacked him over the head, her unnatural strength causing the red head to be shoved to the ground. After helping her lover up, Tifa tried to regain her composure.

"That outfit looks lovely on you Vincent." Failing to keep a straight face, Tifa laughed again.

"Alright that's enough!" Yuffie yelled. "It's time for my cake. Vincent dressed up like this because I wanted him to and if any of you guys make fun of him again, you can leave." The members of Avalanche and their friends quieted down after that.

Several hours later, after their friends had left Vincent was out of his costume and laying with Yuffie on the couch, the young woman snuggled up to him.

"Thanks for everything today Vincent." Yuffie whispered.

"It was nothing and besides it was kind of fun."

"Really?" Yuffie asked. Vincent nodded. The ninja then placed a kiss on his lips and Vincent returned it with interest. Just then Yuffie's stomach rumbled and she groaned. "I think I ate too much." Yuffie said and then her face turned green. Vincent tried to get away but it was too late. Vomit splattered all over him and the couch. The things he put up with for love.


	4. Chapter 4

Like

AN: I own nothing in this story. Please R&R.

Vincent Valentine was currently snuggled up with his 5 month pregnant wife on the couch, his heart content when Yuffie looked at him.

"Hey Vinnie what do you like about me?" Vincent knew he was playing with fire here, Yuffie was extremely hormonal and could change her mood faster than Cid could cuss.

"Everything." He said, hoping that would please her.

"That's way too generic, vampire boy. Now seriously name one thing you like about me!" Yuffie demanded.

"Um…let's see I like your butt." Vincent had read in one of Yuffie's many women's magazines that women liked having their butt complimented. One glance at Yuffie's face and he knew that Yuffie was not one of those women. Steam seemed to shoot out of her ears.

"My butt?! Not my eyes or my hair or even how good I am in bed? I get it, I'm too fat right? Is that it, Mr. Emo?!"

"Mr. Emo?" Vincent asked.

"Yes you're a total emo so why don't you start a journal and whine about your fat, bloated, and cranky wife?" Yuffie then started sobbing and Vincent stroked her hair.

"Yuffie I'll love you no matter how much you weigh, alright?" Yuffie then pushed him away.

"So I'm fat is that it?"

"But you just said…" Vincent started to say but Yuffie interrupted him.

"So now you're putting words in my mouth? That's it from now on you're sleeping somewhere else!"

"Don't you mean the couch?"

"No I mean go stay at someone else's house you jerk face!" Just then her stomach rumbled. "Vincent I'm so hungry could you please make me some ketchup flavored ice cream?"

"You ate it all last night." At that Yuffie pointed to the door.

"Get out!"

* * *

Reno angrily went to the door. He had been in the middle of a passionate love making session with his wife when someone started knocking on the door. Reno, being Reno, wanted to ignore it and continue on but his wife glared at him and he went to answer it.

"Someone better be dead…" Reno muttered. Opening the door, he saw Vincent Valentine clad only in his boxers. He had a blanket slung over one shoulder.

"Sorry to intrude but could I sleep on the couch? Yuffie kicked me out." Vincent said with all the dignity he could muster.

"Sure and try to ignore any noises you hear in the middle of the night." Walking back to his room, Reno laid down beside Tifa and laid a hand on her cheek. "Now where were we?"

"Who was it?"

"Vincent. The brat kicked him out of the house again." Reno went to kiss his wife but Tifa got up and went to the phone, knowing Yuffie would be calling any minute know. Sure enough in five minutes it rang.

"Hello Yuffie, yes he's here. Don't worry he won't divorce you for kicking him out of the house. Yes he understands that you're pregnant. Okay, I'll have Reno drop him off at your house."

"Babe I must still be sleeping because I thought you just said that I would be dropping him off."

"I did." Reno pouted but Tifa was having none of it.

"Reno you are going to do this because if you don't I won't just stop having sex with you…" She came closer, her hands hovering over Reno's little friends. "I'll break them." Reno gulped and got dressed, dragging Vincent out the door. Tifa smirked. "I still got it."


	5. Chapter 5

Endeavor

Endeavor

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for MysticSpiritus so enjoy. Please R&R.

Vincent Valentine was currently reading a great novel until he was poked in the side. His eyes glanced over to his girlfriend and noticed that she was clutching her stomach.

"Yuffie are you alright?" The ninja glared at him.

"Do I freaking look like I'm alright Vinnie?! I'm bloated and got cramps like you wouldn't believe!"

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Go get me a tampon right now!" Vincent stiffened.

"Anything else I can do besides that?" A hint of pleading in his voice. Yuffie noticed this and smirked.

"Are you afraid to go buy a tampon?" Yuffie asked.

"No I'm not it's just…odd for me to do so."

"Well tough luck buster, now get off your seventy year old butt and go get me my product!" Yuffie yelled. Vincent nodded and quickly left the house.

At the supermarket Vincent didn't know where the Tampons were located so he went up to customer service.

"Excuse me I'm looking for Tampons." Vincent said. The customer service person spoke over the intercom then.

"Tampons are located on Aisle 2 sir." Vincent thanked the man and quickly went to grab the dreaded product. Finally he found it and rushed back home not even bothering to get his change. Yuffie was currently snacking on a pint of Ben and Jerry's and smiled when she saw him come through the door.

"Thanks Vinnie you're the best!" Yuffie said, hugging onto Vincent tightly.

"You're welcome…" Vincent replied. As Yuffie left to the restroom Vincent smiled. It was totally worth the embarrassment.


End file.
